Cartoonists With Attitude

This could quite possibly be the most hilarious thing that has ever happened, ever.

The suspicious devices which forced bomb units to scramble across Boston today were actually magnetic lights that are part of a marketing campaign for a television cartoon.

The reports forced the temporary shutdowns of Interstate 93 out of the city, a key inbound roadway, a bridge between Boston and Cambridge, and a portion of the Charles River but were quickly determined not to be explosive.

“It’s a hoax — and it’s not funny,” Gov. Deval Patrick said.

All of the devices are magnetic lights which resemble a character on the show “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”, on Turner Broadcasting’s Cartoon Network.

WBZ has obtained a statement from Turner Broadcasting:

“The “packages” in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger. They are part of an outdoor marketing campaign in 10 cities in support of Adult Swim’s animated television show Aqua Teen Hunger Force. They have been in place for two to three weeks in Boston, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco and Philadelphia. Parent company Turner Broadcasting is in contact with local and federal enforcement on the exact locations of the billboards. We regret that they mistakenly thought to pose any danger.”

The last line from the Turner people is glorious in its directness and simplicity: dear people of earth, you are freaking idiots. We regret this.

I don’t want to add to the buzz, but I also need to write something this week. Despite the Master Shake air freshner in my car, I haven’t found Aqua Teen Hunger Force to be funny for at least two years. Moral Orel and Tim & Eric’s output are the best of Adult Swim.

ATHF, Family Guy, and Epic Movie have all committed acts of terrorism against comedy this week alone.

Viral marketing is for products that can’t be sold on their own merits.

UPDATE: Just to clarify, the media and the government’s response was overblown. However, it’s just stupid to believe everyone in a city should be familiar with some late night cable dreck or circuitry. And if it was nighttime and people flipped out about those things, I’d agree that it would be stupid to think they posed a danger.

Just because those things weren’t bundles of dynamite with an alarm clock attached doesn’t mean they didn’t look suspicious dangling from important infrastructure.

Dinesh Correction

Professor R from Stanford writes to correct me:

Point of clarification: Dinesh D’Souza is a fellow at the Hoover Institution (as are former Attorney General Ed Meese and former Secretary of State George Schultz), which is located on the Stanford campus, but he is not affiliated with Stanford University. He’s certainly not an academic, what with only having a B.A. from Dartmouth. He’s simply an opportunist like Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh who found an easy way to make a lot of money by pandering his ravings to the right wing.

The fact that he lives in San Diego should have been a signal that maybe he does not teach at Stanford, which is about 475 miles away, and would make for a nasty commute, even in a maroon 1192 Jaguar XJS.

Love your work. Keep it up.

I should have caught that one, having spent a lot of time in California.

Cool Stuff From Ye Olde Mail Bag

Dave writes:

I have an enormous respect for people like you who can dissect the lunacy of the right wing argument in a systematic way, and it escapes me that I used to have the focus and engagement to do that, and I can’t anymore. I now study agriculture and all I can do whenever I try to engage in this political stuff is get really angry, pissed off, depressed, paranoid, and so frustrated that I can’t even get my current work done. I don’t know how this happened or why, but I’m wondering if I’ve just gone insane at this point (my conservative southern family thinks so) or if there is something you do (whether it be the people you surround yourself with, having a hobby, etc) that allows you to continue to focus your energies constructively and not just blow up, then go get drunk.

Hell, dude, it was even difficult for me to get through your most recent piece without getting wound up. At the same time I’m an addict, just ‘staying away’ from it doesn’t work either.

If you consider those around you who do what you do, and yourself, what traits or characteristics separate those who succeed in tackling the beast again and again, and those who get burnt out and can no longer remain productive?

A saner man would just throw his hands up in the air and walk away. I’ve always been a stubborn S.O.B. and I’ve never backed away from a righteous fight. It makes for interesting times but if I ever hit the big-time financially there’s a Caribbean beach house with my name on it.

Joy wrote:

Hi Ted, I read your article ” Republicans shut up etc. I like your style, and although I am a Republican, I try to keep up with both sides. The complaint I have about your article is you went from Regan to Bush - I think you forgot someone in between, who I feel had a great deal to do with our present situation in the world. I’m tired of everyone making Republicans sound like we love the war - we hate the war, but support the war and our brave young men and women, in their courage to keep our homeland safe.

And K Morgan wrote:

Was the country “doing things the Republicans’ way” when Bill Clinton was in the White House and the Democrats controlled both houses of congress? what a moronic simpleton you are.

I don’t think I forgot Clinton in this week’s column. Au contraire, I mentioned him by name. One of the most galling aspects of the Clinton presidency was that it was a study in squandered opportunity. Everything he accomplished—NAFTA, welfare reform, GATT/WTO, even balancing the budget—was a Republican idea. Clinton was not a liberal, not by a long stretch. And what was the point of balancing the budget? Look at where we are now. Clinton should have busted the bank on healthcare and left the Republicans with no money to spend.

Oh, and Clinton didn’t have a Democratic Congress after 1994.

Steve writes:

Okay as a Republican who thinks we should keep fighting in Iraq I will shut up. I only ask one thing on you. Since we can’t win and we have no worries if we lose in Iraq I await the next cartoon from you depicting Mohammed. You have nothing to worry about right, its not important that we win. I can’t wait to see what witty cartoon you do. Why not have him talking to Pat Tillman. You seemed to weather that fiasco okay. So Ted put your pen where your mouth is and draw that cartoon publish it and then if you survive tell me why this war is not important.

If I had a reason to mock Mohammed, believe me, I wouldn’t hesitate. As for the war against Islamofascism or whatever they’re calling it this week, allow me to paraphrase Osama bin Laden: If they hate decadent Western societies so much, why haven’t they attacked Holland? Radical Islam is not in the least interested in changing our way of life, only that of those in the Muslim world.

There’s a case for fighting them, but claiming we’re in danger of Sharia law being imposed on Americans is simply a lie.

Mike writes:

I read “Shut Up�? and can’t agree more. I believe I could write an argument stating why we should try to “win�? in Iraq and make it come off convincingly. I don’t really believe it but I could do it, mainly because we were so wrong in going to war in the first place we are obligated to make it right (if we can make it right is another question). There are probably lots of reasons why we should stay but I haven’t heard one proposed by a conservative that didn’t subscribe to the same circular logic the White House has been spewing for years. They just can’t seem to think outside of the bubble GW is living in, let alone outside “the box�?.

I have seem glimmers of hope in some congressional Republicans but they are not neo-cons. Neo-cons remind me more and more of Nazis who even after 50 years of evidence still deny there was a holocaust. (see, I can say that because I’m not a national columnist).

Actually, I’m thinking of writing a devil’s advocate column next week making a real case for remaining in Iraq.

Andy writes:

I read your 1997 article on Gen-Xers after you
mentioned it on your blog and thoroughly enjoyed it.
I just wanted to make one observation:

“Xers have proven a far more difficult nut to crack;
the latest wave of commercialism is hilariously
desperate. Car companies run generic grunge music as
background music to try to convince 28-year-olds that
sports utility vehicles aren’t really just the latest
version of the stationwagon. Nike sells its
slave-labor-made sneakers with the DIY slogan “Just Do
It,” while Xers roll their collective eyes. “No icon
and certainly no commercial is safe from their irony,
their sarcasm or their remote control. These are the
tools with which Generation X keeps the world in
perspective,” Marketing to Generation X author Karen
Ritchie tells Time. It’s almost enough to make you
feel sorry for the Fortune 500.”

I’m 27, and find it extremely fucked up that
consumerism has come full cirlce with my generation.
It seems that popular culture now is all about having
the most shit (”bling,” latest technology) and who
gives a fuck how you get it? It seems that all of my
friends are on a constant spending spree in terms of
houses, cars, flat-screen TVs. They don’t save a
dime, many of them are in debt, but they all feel
that it’s their birthright to have more, more, MORE!
Iraq war? Not really familiar with it. Voting?
Don’t know who the candidates are. XBOX 360? Oh
hell, you’d better believe I was first in line to grab
that swag.

I guess this is a long way of saying that it would be
interesting to see how the Fortune 500 did an end
around on Generation X, and completely duped my
generation.

In all fairness, Gen Y consumerism is largely influenced by parents—who were Baby Boomers. So it’s not their fault. (And it’s not like us Xers are particularly zen…check out my CD collection sometime!)

Connie writes:

I just wanted to say I really appreciate your articles (and cartoons)! Thanks, it is a relief to read something that makes sense.

Thanks!

And finally…

I can just see it now. On the back cover of D’Souza’s next book will be this quote:

“Stanford University’s D’Souza is one of America’s most–arguably the most–respected conservative thinkers. … one of the brightest minds of our current political establishment, representative of thinking at the highest levels of government…” — Ted Rall

You said it, not me.

It would be the best quote since genius illustrator/incompetent cartoonist Chris Ware used my negative review of his book on the paperback version, evidently because wallowing in negativity fits with his packaged image as a Sad Sack.

Minimum Security will be on comics.com starting Feb. 6 (Tuesday).

Lots and lots of inspirations and sources for this week’s ‘toon:

• There were a few issues I wanted to touch on but couldn’t work into the story, such as Bush’s decision to send two aircraft carrier groups to the waters off Iran and his order to kill Iranian operatives in Iraq (which is called a “purely political” move). However, check out a terrific column by Robert Parry on the “logic” behind Bush’s efforts to ratchet up tensions in the region.
• Why would he do this? Because, of course, Cheney and the neo-cons want it that way. Apparently, back in 2003, the White House had an opportunity for “a diplomatic prize of unparalleled proportions” — a reasonable negotiated settlement with Iran. Of course, they blew it off because they were still expecting to be greeted with rose petals in Baghdad (with an encore in Tehran), and because Cheney said they “don’t negotiate with evil.” Juan Cole says: “For the Love of God Impeach this Man.”

  In case you were wondering, the third Li’l Bushie along with George and Dick is Bill Kristol… not the best caricature ever, but it was my first time drawing him. Check out a post by Glenn Greenwald on the resurgence of neo-con influence over White House foreign policy decisions. In particular, Fred Kagan is said to have “won the ear of the President” on Iraq and Iran, which is not good news for any of us.

• I purposely avoided talking about the legality of the Iraq escalation or a possible Iran attack (I’ll save that for another ‘toon), but check out another excellent post by Glenn Greenwald on those issues.
• Is George W. Bush CRAZY? Justin A. Frank, M.D. says that he does indeed exhibit sociopathic tendencies, in the sense that he is someone who “exhibits external and surface empathy and amiability, but internally cannot actually empathize with the pain and suffering of others.” He is one of many who say Bush has now adopted a “bunker mentality,” and he argues that Dubya turns everyone who disagrees with him into his father (for example, James Baker).
• For in-depth analysis of the situation on the ground in Iraq, check out an article by Matt Taibbi, who argues that the whole idea that more troops will do any good in Iraq is “absurd on its face.” He says that the majority of the troops there are holed up it Forward Operating Bases, simply trying to keep themselves safe, and that they are not actively engaged in keeping Iraq secure. The ones who go out on road patrol have been reduced to cannon fodder, forced to cross their fingers and hope they don’t get blown up while driving around in circles.
• Notice any similarities between the current rhetoric on Iran and the Vietnam-era rhetoric on Cambodia and Laos? You’re not imagining it…

  James Ridgeway argues that the Iraq surge may be a Kissinger ploy, in the sense that Bush “will plunge into a counterinsurgency operation in Baghdad and elsewhere in Iraq, and then amidst mass civilian carnage, declare victory and announce negotiations.” I think the apparent resurgence of neo-con influence makes this a less likely possibility.

• Do the Dems really have to cut off funding for the troops? Marty Lederman argues that they simply have to “pass an appropriations rider providing that no funds may be used to increase the number of troops in Iraq.”
• Lastly, check out a typically outstanding column by Molly Ivins, who apparently is not doing well right now. She’s one of the greats… give it a read.

…and probably more that I missed. Read a lot last week…