Cartoonists With Attitude

The AV Club has a hilarious round-up of over-the-top-patriotic-songs. Here’s a brief collection of songs I can enjoy over the holiday without a shred of embarrassment.

Violent Femmes - American Music


Naked Trucker and T Bones - American Dream

Woody Guthrie - This Land

Anti-Flag - One Trillion Dollars

Allen Ginsberg w/ Tom Waits - America

Bruce McCulloch - That’s America

There are many more, but I’ve got to make some burgers as the founding fathers intended.

click for comic

The media likes to call people who believe email rumors “low information voters.” They should be called what they really are: “Dumbshit taint-stains who somehow managed to avoid being classified as retarded due to poor parenting and/or underfunded school systems.” These dumb fucks should be rounded up and put in a giant press and converted into a thick paste called “moron dressing” that us smart folks could put on our elitist salads. (You can ask for it on the side if you’re not on board with my Mental Cleansing campaign of terror.)

Bonus Obama smear: He blames all his farts on Michelle.

Next Week: Ask a Carny II

I found this via Scuffletown. I’m no expert at such things, but I think any event that hires a Chris Thrash programmed Rockafire Explosion as its band, is an event that I wouldn’t mind attending.

I considered not posting this video because it could cause furries to masturbate all over my blog. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take to share this with you.

I grew up in solid Chuck E. Cheese territory and have no nostalgia for this Showbiz Pizza Place shithole. In fact, I think back in the eighties, Showbiz and Chuck E were just like West and East Coast rap rivalries.

EDIT: I just wanted to add than I can watch a gorilla play the piano forever. Give me that instead of a fireplace, and you just sold yourself a house!

click for comic

For those who are unaware, I’m going to crush your blissful bubble of ignorance, and inform you of the existence of the steampunk fad. I argue that they’re even lamer than furries, in that at least furries get off. Steamdudes and dudettes just get a smug pretentious tingle in their nether regions for all their efforts.

If you’re into fancying up all your shit to make it look old timey, you are not a punk. You are a fop. I’ll stop before this turns into a Jeff Foxworthy bit. Chronic masturbators could also benefit from this nomenclature scheme and start calling themselves wankpunks. Then they’d be featured on a popular blog with pictures of the elaborate masturbatory devices they’ve constructed, or hacked, to use the parlance of some enthusiastic nerds. [ed. A joke about Disney World should go here.]

I would’ve busted out an equation proving the Fonzarelli Effect exists, but I’ll just say that it is mitigated by the Screech Quotient when both are factored into the Osmond matrix. So it’s not really worth my time. You can do it for extra credit if you want. But show your work!

For more thoughts on the very important subject of coolness, check out Jen’s strip for this week.

Next Week: Smears, Gaffes, and Laffs

Once again I find myself abusing the hospitality of Mikhaela and Masheka. Jen’s here too; you can read her blog to figure out what the pow-wow is all about.

I just wanted to post something because I’m sitting on their couch being a lazy ass and wanted to look productive while Mikhaela and Jen are making a salad. I’d help, but that’s women’s work.

Arrested Development movie! I’m all over this like you ladies were into that movie about the horse.

Here’s the result of last Wednesday’s Drinking and Drawing Boston. When I first went up, I really screwed over the poor person who had to turn my tentacled mess into something workable. The second time I went to the light tables, I created what are essentially IPA-fueled scribbles on a lawn chair.

Here’s the result of last Wednesday’s Drinking and Drawing Boston. When I first went up, I really screwed over the poor person who had to turn my tentacled mess into something workable. The second time I went to the light tables, I created what are essentially IPA-fueled scribbles on a lawn chair.

click for comic

Oh boy! Gas prices sure are high. I’m so insightful. Next week I’m going to do a cartoon about the poor quality of airline service, and the week after will feature a hilarious look at the differences between white and black people. However shitty you may find this cartoon, it’s still better than The Love Guru.

If you can’t get enough gassy humor, Jen has some jokes for you, and Ruben does too.

Next Week: 7 Steps to a Cooler You

Tomorrow night I will be leaving the friendly confines of Somerville and heading down to the second installment of Drinking and Drawing Boston, if the Longfellow Bridge doesn’t collapse into the Charles on my way there. If it sounds like your sort of thing, you can sign up at the site. It’s at Paddy O’s, a McIrishy bar of sorts. Thankfully it’s not at a McFadden’s. I have vowed to never set foot in one of those abominations. (Imagine a date-rapey disco having the same name as you.)

Here’s a funny video explaining what the event is all about. Luckily it’s scheduled between games 6 and 7, if the Celtics don’t finish it tonight.