Glenn Beck on the Census:
If you were offended back in 1790 about slavery and that everyone should count the same, do not answer the race question. How dare you. How dare you.
If you were offended back in 1790 please contact me re: life-extension technology.
Karl Rove’s memoir was released this week, amazingly titled “Courage and Consequence.” In it he humbly fesses up to his biggest blunder: not smearing people who pointed out their lies hard enough. Given that opponents of the war were at one time considered Saddam-fellating Benedict Arnolds by mainstream media commentators, I’m not quite sure what he thinks should have been done.
Watch out health insurance companies: Obama’s rolling up his shirt sleeves and raising his voice in speeches! Whoever said passing laws was about back room deals, bribes and ideological trench warfare apparently has never listened to a rousing speech by our president. He has the solution for passing the bill: get active!
“I’m kind of fired up,” Obama said at the beginning of his remarks, a variation on his oft-stated 2008 refrain, “Fired up. Ready to go.” And he included an appeal to his audience – many of whom were students – to help in the same ways they might in a campaign. “So I need you to knock on doors. Talk to your neighbors. Pick up the phone,” he urged them.
OK. I’m picking up my phone. It’s picked - I’m holding it in my hand right now! Should I send a mass text urging everyone in my contacts to support passage of the bill? Should I call my grandma? (It’s been too long and I wonder if she’s figured out how to pronounce your name yet.)
Should I knock on my neighbor’s door and gab her ears off about health care reform? She really loves when I wonk out and demand that she call or write her representative immediately. Makes her want to hang out with me more.
I understand the problem now. It’s not Republican obstruction, Democratic weakness, the undemocratic Senate or the fact that corporate interests control both parties. It’s me. I haven’t been knocking on enough doors this past year.
But I’ll do it for health care. Because after all, I still don’t have any. I’ll even write a joke to help persuade the nation. Print it out and leaflet your neighborhood. DO IT.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Health care reform.
Health care reform wh– hold on, my phone is ringing. Hello? Yes, health care reform, I know. Some asshole is at my door right now telling me about it. I’ve got people knocking, neighbors coming by, motherfuckers blowing up my phone. I joined a Facebook group about health care reform getting more fans than Nickleback. Guess what? I already support health care reform. Yup, I’m all aboard. Even that shitty thing Obama calls reform will do at this point. So stop bothering me and pass the damn thing so Rush Limbaugh will move out of the fucking country, which is where I might be going to get some health care if you keep this up.
Great analogy, Chuck. That’s exactly what college is like.
|
Chuck Asay
Creators Syndicate Inc. Mar 8, 2010 |
Starbucks is now allowing customers to pack heat while they wait for their foamed poopalotta. It’s not something I get worked up over one way or the other, but open-carry advocates are really into the idea of letting everyone in every possible location know they have a gun. Probably due to micropenis.
Wednesday: Rove’s Mea Culpa
A guy really likes talking about his personal relationship with God.
The earth completed another rotation on its axis, so that means Obama must have sissified, scaled back, or completely shit on another campaign pledge. Sure enough, a big dump is in the works:
President Obama’s advisers are nearing a recommendation that Khalid Sheik Mohammed, the self-proclaimed mastermind of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, be prosecuted in a military tribunal, administration officials said, a step that would reverse Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr.’s plan to try him in civilian court in New York City.
An e-mail arrived Monday morning about a reprint. Could a college group organizing a debate about the existence of god use this cartoon on their flyer? No big deal and no money involved for a handful of flyers so I granted permission, pointing out that the work was not to be altered or appear out of context. Good luck convincing everyone to be rational, fellow traveler!
They replied, appreciating my prompt response, but wanted to run a slight alteration by me. Could they use it this way?
Permission not granted.
Rolling Stone: “Lady Gaga arrives with a rhinestone encrusted crustacean on her face…”
