If you were offended back in 1790 about slavery and that everyone should count the same, do not answer the race question. How dare you. How dare you.

If you were offended back in 1790 please contact me re: life-extension technology.

You can also find out about things like my frustrations with frozen broccoli if you follow me on Twitter.

[UPDATE: Thanks to Steve and Justin for rising to the cause!]

Click thing to read bigger, grunt!

A new page of Wanderlost. Full of sharks. We all need more sharks in our lives.

But the best thing in the article is McElroy’s stance against teaching Chinese Literature in schools:

“[Y]ou really don’t want Chinese books with a bunch of crazy Chinese words in them. Why should you take a child’s time trying to learn a word that they’ll never ever use again?” He conceded some terms, such as “chow mein,” might be useful, the San Antonio Express-News reported.

I’d love to see a comprehensive list of “foreign” words McElroy deems acceptable. It probably includes chop suey, nacho, lasagna, and bukkake.

Responses keep coming in to a New York Times article, originally published Friday, in which writer Shaila Dewan details a multi-pronged effort by anti-abortion advocates to convince black women that the “abortion industry” is racist, based on the fact that black women have a disproportionately high rate of abortion. Georgia Right to Life has partnered with the Radiance Foundation for a billboard campaign and accompanying website claiming that “Black children are an endangered species.” A documentary called Maafa 21, made by a white anti-choice activist, purports to draw parallels between abortion, eugenics, and slavery.

Now, as you all know from any blog or family member who listens to Glenn Beck, the entire fundraising operation of the Democrat [sic] Party is based on maintaining a complete reliance of black people on the federal government and special handouts thus guaranteeing their total support of the pro-government Mommy State party and… okay, I’m breaking into my own sarcasm for a moment to just make sure that everyone understands I’m sarcastically mocking this nonsense, right? Yes, of course this is all racist, insane bullshit. I’m just addressing the practical lack of logic in it, which is a lot, because there’s typically a lack of logic in the rhetoric of crazy people. We good? We good. Alright.

So I don’t get it. Liberals and their ilk want nothing more than a solid block of reliable, subservient votes from black people… and at the same time want to secretly euthanize all of them? This is an even more condensed version of a classic anti-choice claim, in that Democrats are somehow aborting their own voting bloc. Man, we totally fucked up that one, what with the 30-something generation born after the legalization of infanticide voting for a Democrat and a black guy for president. Better luck next time, everyone!

Alright, so here’s where it gets funny: the massive conspiracy to abort the minority population away? Yeah, that’s failing miserably.

Minorities make up nearly half the children born in the U.S., part of a historic trend in which minorities are expected to become the U.S. majority over the next 40 years.

In fact, demographers say this year could be the “tipping point” when the number of babies born to minorities outnumbers that of babies born to whites.

The numbers are growing because immigration to the U.S. has boosted the number of Hispanic women in their prime childbearing years. Minorities made up 48 percent of U.S. children born in 2008, the latest census estimates available, compared to 37 percent in 1990.

You know what I’m going to take a wee bit of a gamble on and guess isn’t following this story? Right-wingers happy about this.

Now, while there isn’t super-specific data the article clearly addresses that this rise in the “minority” population is more related to Hispanics than African-Americans, and I guess from a “what type of racist are you?” perspective, that… I dunno… matters? But this is a bizarre matter of unstoppable racist bullshit meeting immovable racist bullshit.

Karl Rove’s memoir was released this week, amazingly titled “Courage and Consequence.” In it he humbly fesses up to his biggest blunder: not smearing people who pointed out their lies hard enough. Given that opponents of the war were at one time considered Saddam-fellating Benedict Arnolds by mainstream media commentators, I’m not quite sure what he thinks should have been done.

Be sure to wait for the chainsaw! I do feel sorry for the guitar, though.

“I’m kind of fired up,” Obama said at the beginning of his remarks, a variation on his oft-stated 2008 refrain, “Fired up. Ready to go.” And he included an appeal to his audience – many of whom were students – to help in the same ways they might in a campaign. “So I need you to knock on doors. Talk to your neighbors. Pick up the phone,” he urged them.

OK. I’m picking up my phone. It’s picked - I’m holding it in my hand right now! Should I send a mass text urging everyone in my contacts to support passage of the bill? Should I call my grandma? (It’s been too long and I wonder if she’s figured out how to pronounce your name yet.)

Should I knock on my neighbor’s door and gab her ears off about health care reform? She really loves when I wonk out and demand that she call or write her representative immediately. Makes her want to hang out with me more.

I understand the problem now. It’s not Republican obstruction, Democratic weakness, the undemocratic Senate or the fact that corporate interests control both parties. It’s me. I haven’t been knocking on enough doors this past year.

But I’ll do it for health care. Because after all, I still don’t have any. I’ll even write a joke to help persuade the nation. Print it out and leaflet your neighborhood. DO IT.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Health care reform.
Health care reform wh– hold on, my phone is ringing. Hello? Yes, health care reform, I know. Some asshole is at my door right now telling me about it. I’ve got people knocking, neighbors coming by, motherfuckers blowing up my phone. I joined a Facebook group about health care reform getting more fans than Nickleback. Guess what? I already support health care reform. Yup, I’m all aboard. Even that shitty thing Obama calls reform will do at this point. So stop bothering me and pass the damn thing so Rush Limbaugh will move out of the fucking country, which is where I might be going to get some health care if you keep this up.

One thing that struck me about that NYT article about tea partiers was the strangeness of this very sweet-sounding retired woman embracing a movement tinged with the threat of armed rebellion. The wholesome-looking woman in the snowman sweater is an attempt to show this disconnect.